This is one of those blog posts that is really more for me than for anyone else, and maybe words/thoughts I shouldn't say out loud, but I figure it's my blog so I get to make the rules, right? :) I absolutely guarantee this is not about any person in particular, it's just something I have to get off my chest, so please, take it for face value.
Recently I was at a party with a mix a people. Mind you, it was a ridiculously awesome party! I had a blast, thoroughly enjoyed the night, and what I'm about to say does not reflect on my feelings on the party as a whole. Frankly, it's not entirely related to this one instance...it's been years and years of "instances" that have led me to my breaking point. What is this monumental build up you might ask? It's one simple question...
Why the heck are guys so shallow??
Like I said, this is not about any one person, so don't try to figure out who I'm talking about. There were just a variety of conversations I overheard and actions I witnessed that made me want to walk up and slap some people (and I definitely don't lack the boldness to do that kind of thing). I know, I know - not every guy is like that so I definitely can't lump them all into one "shallow" category, but there are a lot out there - or a lot of "moments" at least. And let me just add that it quickly makes any guy very, very unattractive. Why does this bug me so much? Well, let me move on to the girls at the party. There were a variety so this again is not a one-size-fits-all statement, but I will go as far to say that weight was an apparent issue for some - and not on the "tipping the scale" side of things. I'm sure that may be caused by a variety of things, but I also think it is easily related to the pressure that is placed on women to look a certain way - and some of that may be due to overhearing the things we do. The comments about so-and-so needing to reduce the size of her butt, over-appreciating a nice rack and just altogether picking apart the features of a woman and never once realizing that there's more to that person than a shape. This leads me to my next point....
I am a good catch.
This does not come from a place of vanity, trust me. I'm not saying it to convince the 3 people that read my blog either. Honestly, I'm saying this all to myself right now. Consider this blog one of those moments where you just have a little pep talk with yourself - and this is one of mine.
I may not be a size 2, I may not have abs of steel (or even own the dvds), and I may never be - but then again, someday I may look better than I have for the past 28 years of my life. God will fix my thyroid and my active lifestyle will finally match my physique...but really, that's not the point, and if that never happens, it really doesn't matter. The reality is that I am smart, I have talents, I have a sense of humor, I have drive, goals and ambition. I have a great family, a great job, great friends and a warm personality. I have interesting things to say and things so retarded that they are absolutely worth laughing at - and I would laugh with you at myself over them. I am coordinated and clutsy, athletic and a work-in-progress, uptight at times and yet flexible & spontaneous, a girl that loves her Savior and knows that this does not mean I live under a list of rules, regulations and demands, but freedom, joy, excitement and adventure. Ah yes, how can I forget adventurous. I want to take risks, experience life in a thousand ways and dream. Dream of tomorrow and the next day and the next year and the next 75. So call me crazy, but I think that makes me an incredible catch. A diamond in the rough. The one that someone someday will realize there was no way they could let go (and might I add that I am confident he will be a man of great integrity).
So, to all those guys piecing apart the figure of a woman - whatever her shape or size, I wish you could understand that those looks will fade, those perfect boobs will sag, and what you will be left with is a shell that no longer looks like what you once thought so important, but a heart, a personality, a soul, a friend. Hopefully those things were valued high above the outward appearance, because they are the gift that lasts a lifetime and does not age like the shell in which they are contained.
There, I said it. I may receive a thousand different opinions from it, but really, I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm not AT ALL a man hater or a woman's lib...not at all (because let's be honest, girls can sometimes be even more cruel when it comes to being critical of appearances...so all of this goes for them too). I just want people to be valued for WHO they are not what they look like. Something that seems to be getting harder and harder in this day and age, but something that is important just the same.
It just felt good to say it outloud.
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4 comments:
You GO girl! Totally loved this blog post, and you are SO true! But you are also right in that there are GOOD, WONDERFUL, FABULOUS, GODLY, men out there. WIth that, there are a lot of LOST LOST men out there who really have no idea what they are searching for. Shoot me an email! Love ya! :)
Well said Trish. I thought we got past all of that in high school, but alas, it seems that some people are really that superficial. You'll see the same guys at a party ten years later, and they'll still be playing that game, cause that's what it is. The Lord looks at the heart as do people who are truly wanting to follow Him and be like Him.
I really liked this post because you didn't focus just on weight but on the overall obsession with appearance, particularly women's appearance. I struggle with this almost daily. I feel I am often not taken seriously at work because of my appearance, or that my appearance is up for discussion just because I'm a woman. Some times comments are made that would NEVER be made to a man in the same position. It's tough enough navigating the corporate world without having to worry about how to respond to sexist comments.
I think you nailed it in your self-pep talk (by the way, I do these often, too). You (and so many other women) are so many many more things than their bodies dictate, broadcast, or advertise, and it's a shame that those things - the manifold wonderful gifts that God has blessed them with don't get the same scrutiny, attention, or even praise that their bodies do.
Young girls these days seem to suffer from this scrutiny far more than I ever did (I'm your age), and I think that is a modern tragedy. We need to help girls realize that their looks are not a virtue, but at best a fleeting gift, and that what is important is their character, their relationship with God and their use of His gifts to serve others.
You may find yourself giving this pep talk to other people more and more! Thanks for sharing it with us.
Katy B. (just a reader)
people suck!
I will say i don't come across this amongst married people as often.
Usually the ones berating are doing so to make themselves feel better about there shortcomings.
EVERYONE is a diamond in the rough in Jesus's eyes.
now for my shallow comment.....if you stare at anyone long enough they can become ugly,lol....
I have never chosen people to have around me on looks....and to do so is tarded.....
On the upside......helps to check off who you ARE NOT interested in getting to know further :)
cheers,
Alyce
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