Layovers of Life

Most of life is met with a clear idea of what your season entails. From age 5-18 that's usually school related and every extracurricular you can pack in. For some, 19-22 (or 23, 24 or 25 ;)) are college years - focusing on your degree and making plans for the next chapter of your life. And then age starts to become something pretty diverse. Some get married and start a family, some dive into careers and climb the corporate ladder and some take off for wild adventures backpacking across Europe. But somewhere, and sometimes repeatedly at different points throughout life, you find yourself in a season of wandering. A season where you don't have a clear path. You lack a clear purpose. You have great intentions of pursuing your goals - you're just not sure what they are anymore. But sometimes maybe it's not so much a season of wandering as it is a season of waiting.

Today I was reading Numbers 33  and while oftentimes I tend to skip over lists in the Bible (especially when so-and-so begat so-and-so begat so-and-so), but something I read recently made this passage stick out to me in a way I'd never noticed before. You see, we want to go from our season of "Egypt" to our season of "Promised Land" on a nonstop flight, no layovers. But just as the Israelites camped at Succoth and Etham and Pi Hahiroth and a whole list of other places I can't pronounce, if we lose faith, our journey to that season we're believing for may include layovers in Hopelessness, Doubt and Despair.

But here's the part that I keep thinking about and digging into further: the Israelites wandered because of their doubt and disobedience. They camped at 86.359 different places because they had to wait 40 years from their own disbelief. So I can't help but look at my own life and wonder - in what ways am I not trusting him fully? Have I just crossed the Red Sea and because I thought the journey into the Promised Land would be a walk in the park, I've started to complain or doubt his goodness? Is he providing manna in my life, but I'm grumbling because I had different expectations?

Patience is always meant to stretch you, but if you're not careful, a season of waiting can turn into a season of wandering. Learn from the Israelites mistakes and trust that God has a perfect plan. Just as God was there guiding the Israelites every single day, He's very much in the midst of your present season, whatever destination He's leading you to. Don't get stuck in your layover.

Risking It All

Gidget is 6 years old. In dog years, she's 37, which means my dog is actually a year older than I am this year. And we have an agreement that she's going to live to the ripe old age of 18. A 5 year bonus over most dogs in her breed, but I'm doing my best to hold up to my end of the bargain by taking good care of her and loving her excessively, which I'm pretty sure extends the life of any living thing. :)

Several years ago I was in the process of learning to embrace hope and expectation, two things that had always been really difficult for me. I'm a visual learner, so often God gives me a picture to help me to understand Him better, and in this particular instance, He used Gidget. He took me back to the moment I brought Gidget home...this 2lb little ball of fur...



Imagine looking at this sweet fuzzy creature and realizing in the very first moment you meet that you will outlive this dog. That means that in 18 years you are going to be heartbroken if you allow yourself to get too attached. And in this moment you have a choice: you can either hold yourself back or fall in love. If you hold yourself back, you just do the bare minimum. You feed the dog, you take it to the vet for check-ups, you maybe even take it on some walks, but you never really allow yourself to get attached. You don't snuggle, you don't toss the ball and play fetch, you don't interact in any way other than necessity. Eighteen years go by and finally the day comes where the dog passes away. Are you sad? Maybe a little bit, but you've probably saved yourself excess tears by not getting too attached.

But what have you really missed?

18 years of memories. 18 years of that dog greeting you at the front door every day like you've been gone for years. 18 years of keeping your lap warm. 18 years of making you laugh. 18 years of being unconditionally loved.

18 years of joy.

You see, we all have choices of how to guard ourselves and not get hurt. We've all been hurt before and know that when we take the next risk we could be hurt again - just like getting a new puppy after the last one passed away and knowing you will cry over it someday as well. But if we wrap our heart up and don't let it risk the good with the bad, we miss out on all the joy in the process. As C.S. Lewis says:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

Take the risk. Hope again even if you've been disappointed before. Have God-expectations even if that seems scary. Trust that no matter what path he's taking you on, no matter how things unfold, there is joy in the process. Embrace today and don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds tomorrow...and that's all that really matters.

Sleeping on a Jet Plane

Every time I travel I try new things to make the journey easier or more comfortable. I just returned home from Uganda last week and for the first time I feel like I can confidently say I've figured out the perfect carry-on items for a comfortable/restful flight.

1. Travel Rest Pillow
This is hands-down the best pillow I've ever used for travel. I've tried every variation of the donut pillow and it just doesn't seem to work for me. This pillow was a dream come true and worth every penny. It's compact and lightweight since it's inflatable and it works whether you're leaning up against the window or stuck in the middle seat.

2. Bucky Eye Mask
I'd previously been using the cheap or freebie eye masks that they provide on flights, but found it was uncomfortable to have the mask touching my eyes and having elastic twisted up and pulling my hair. This eye mask has an easy Velcro attachment as well as the perfect gap for you to be able to blink without breaking your eyelashes. It also blacks out every bit of light so you can sleep through any variance of light that is happening during the flight.

3. Sockwell Compression Socks
On my flight home from Thailand my legs and feet swelled so badly that it was hard to even bend my knees! So I remedied that problem by packing 2 pairs of these amazing (and cute!) socks and wearing BOTH at the same time (a trick I learned from a friend). It's not easy to get that second pair on, but I guarantee you won't come home with legs the size of a cabbage patch doll! I also pack a pair of fuzzy slippers (with grippers on the sole) to wear over top of them for walking around the plane.

4. Tylenol PM
This isn't anything new or brilliant, but it just works. It makes me drowsy enough to get some good, solid rest, but not so groggy that I have a hard time waking up or functioning upon arrival.

5. The Piano Guys
Ok, this could be whatever you prefer that is a good, constant instrumental (or even just a steady sound machine). I love various soundtracks, 2Cellos, and others, but on a previous flight they had The Piano Guys on the tv's music options and I found that it was the perfect music to both drown out any exterior noise and keep me sound asleep without interruption (no dramatic changes in music that startled me). Since then it's become my "go-to" travel music! Just make sure you pack some comfortable, sound-cancelling earbuds. I keep one in and leave the other out so I can comfortably lean my ear into the pillow.

That's it! Other than that I recommend drinking lots of water (you can pack an empty water bottle and the attendants are typically happy to fill the whole thing up so you're not working off of one tiny cup at a time), taking a loop around the plane after every movie (or every 2 hours) and wearing comfortable clothing. Happy travels!!

My Farewell Letter

This ranks up there with one of the hardest things I've ever posted for the world to see, but God has been doing a mighty work in my heart and I know that I am not alone in my struggle. So here it goes...

-------------------
 
I don’t like the way I look.

I’ve felt that way for as long as I can remember. I’ve always felt if I could somehow achieve what I had ranked as “perfection” (perfect body, perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect wardrobe) then maybe I’d look at myself in the mirror one day and approve. But honestly, it was beyond exhausting to even try. I went through phases of obsessively working out and counting every piece of food that went in my mouth. I've spent an embarrassing amount of money over the years on beauty products of various kinds and clothes that would hopefully make me look thinner than the girl I stared at in the mirror in disappointment.

And honestly, it all started with a boy. A boy I didn't even know.

I was in the 4th grade at summer camp. All the girls were finding "boyfriends" for the week, but being a girl with 3 brothers, I was a little slow to finding boys to be anything other than annoying and gross. I had yet to care what I looked like, feel the need to be anything but me, and want anything more than to spend summer camp doing all the outdoor activities and becoming friends with a bunch of girls. Regardless, unbeknownst to me, one of the girls from my cabin took it upon herself to find me a "boyfriend". She grabbed me as I was finishing dinner one night and with such enthusiasm said, "Come with me!" I had no clue what she was up to, and before I knew it, she was standing me in front of a boy and said, "This is Trish. She can be your girlfriend." Looking me square in the eyes with a look of disgust on his face, he said, "She's fat and ugly. I would never go out with a girl like her."

It was the first time I realized I wasn't beautiful.

Without even knowing it, that lie took root and grew a tree called "insecurity". As the years continued on, harsh words were spoken that watered that tree, and even though so many more kind words were spoken, it's as if the roots were incompatible and rather than it shrinking the lies, it just deflected the truth and kept growing. I couldn't accept kind words because I had owned the lies to be my truth, so in return, the truth felt like lies.

A little over a year ago I was finally able to clearly see what had been growing right in front of my eyes. Not only that, but God also showed me that nothing that I could control would change it. Nothing that anyone else could say would change it. Only God could take that tree, cut it down, pull out the roots, and plant something beautiful in its place. This weekend those new roots took hold as I threw out the rotting carcass of a tree and embraced new growth and beauty in its place. So now it's finally time to say...

Goodbye insecurity.

We've had a long run. Too long. I let you have too much control in my life and not enough spine to stand up to you, but it's time for that change. You see, I'm a Queen, Lover, Magi and Warrior full of Heart, Soul, Mind and Strength and in that woman, there is no longer room for you to live. You do not define me, you do not lead me, you do not have any say in who I am or what I do. You do not get to hold me back from the promises over my life. I refuse to settle to your definition of my worth. I was born into a kingdom, into a life that you don't belong. I was born for beauty, love, intelligence and tenacity. I was born for greatness. I was created for a specific purpose. I am a child of the King.

So this is my farewell to you. You have finally been replaced by someone you disdain. A woman full of confidence in not only who she is on the inside, but the beautiful masterpiece the King fashioned on the outside. For I am "clothed with strength and dignity, and I laugh without fear of the future," because I know the One that leads the way. (Prov. 31:25)

Goodbye insecurity, I hope to never see you again.

Yours truly,
A woman called Beautiful.

-------------------

 

Jesus, the Genie in a Bottle

I remember being in Sunday school around the time I was in kindergarten and hearing Matthew 7:7

"Ask and it will be given to you..." With wide eyed wonder I thought, "You've got to be kidding me! Jesus is like a genie with unlimited wishes!" That night while saying my prayers before bed, I silently prayed that the Singer Sewing Machine for kids from the JCPenney Christmas toy catalog would be waiting on the fireplace hearth the next morning when I woke up. And I fully believed I was going to be the proud owner of my own sewing machine the next morning. Not a doubt in my mind. If I was clear about anything at the age of 5, it was that this Jesus was legit. And he really loved kids.

The next morning I woke up with such anticipation!! I immediately ran up the stairs to see the beautiful new toy that awaited me... only to find an empty fireplace with no sewing machine in sight. I don't think I felt like I'd been deceived, I still believed Jesus was real, but it was the first moment in my life where doubt began to creep in. 

As life continued on, I grew up in church, private schools, a Christian university and constantly heard scripture like Matthew 7:7, Mark 11:24, Luke 11:9, John 16:24...and the list goes on and on. In fact, there are at least 67 scriptures that talk about asking God and God giving you what you ask. But it's almost as if over the years that tiny crack that allowed doubt in as a 5-year old has become a gaping hole filled with doubt. I would hear the words, "Ask and you shall receive" followed by a whisper "but brace yourself for God to say 'No'. Don't get your hopes up." So somewhere along the line, I just stopped asking. My prayer became something along the lines of, "God, you know what is best, so your will be done. Whatever you want, I'm good with that."

This past year and a half has been in many ways a "re-awakening" in my life. The best way to describe it is like opening the door to the fridge, seeing that it's full of food and yet not knowing what's really in the back corners. So rather than letting the stuff you can't see continue to take up space, you finally give in and take every single item out and sort through the good and the bad. Throw away the expired stuff, throw away the junk food that should be expired ;), and then immediately head to the grocery store to replenish your fridge with fresh, healthy ingredients. 

Some of the things that had been sitting in the back corner of my fridge for far too long were doubt, disappointment and complacency. And it was time to throw them out and replace them with hope, anticipation and expectation. And in doing that...it constantly brought me to a place of "impossible."

Before I lose you entirely, hear me out :). 

I've started to realize that if I really have hope, then that is ultimately built by faith. What is faith? Believing in what you cannot see. And if you ask me, really truly believing in what you cannot see...well, most often that feels...impossible. 

I was just talking with a friend recently about the way that people try to guard you from getting your hopes up with truly good intentions. They don't want to see you get hurt, they don't want you to experience disappointment, but I asked my friend, "do we really believe with each other that God can do the impossible in our lives, or are we always trying to make sure that we dream things that seem doable in our own strength?" I trust that even if God says no to my request, it's only because he has something better - so rather than talking me down from my dreams to protect me, why not dream with me? Not only that, let's go a step further! Why not be people that when you sit with a friend and they tell you that ridiculous, crazy, over-the-top, seemingly impossible dream, rather than talking them down to something more realistic, what if we challenged each other to dream even BIGGER?!

I just want to know this: Do we really believe in a God that when you ask (and ask specifically. And ask when it looks impossible. And then ask and ask again.) he will actually give you what you ask for? Do you challenge yourself - and those around you - to dream ginormous, God-sized dreams, no matter how crazy they might seem knowing that we serve a God that is infinitely greater than our minds can even comprehend...so chances are, your BIGGEST, most insane dream is actually smaller that what God has in store?

Call me crazy, but I'm going back to that 5-year old version of myself, and getting excited again. Because now I know, Jesus is actually even better than a Genie in a Bottle. He doesn't just grant wishes at my command, he knows my heart and when I ask, he gives me not only what I want, but what I need. And the irony of it is, what I need always ends up being what I want most. 

So let's all find that childlike faith again - and believe for the impossible.

There Is No Fear in Love

Read this devotional from Rick Warren and had to share:

By Rick Warren — May 21, 2014

“The Spirit that God has given you does not make you slaves and cause you to be afraid ...” -Romans 8:14-16 (TEV).

Fear will keep you from becoming all God intends for you to be; it will limit your potential, even ruin and devastate your life. God does not want you living a life filled with fears.

You might call it coincidence, but there are 365 “fear not” commands in the Bible. That’s one for every day of the year. I would say God hates fear.

The Bible says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear …” (1 John 4:18 NIV). God is love, and the more you fill your life with God, the less fear you are going to have.

When you are afraid, there are two things you need to do to drive it away. First, remember you are in God’s family. Romans 8:14 says, “Those who are led by God’s Spirit are God’s children” (TEV).
If someone or something makes you afraid, you need to stop and remember that you’re a child of God. You’re not an orphan; you’re not alone. He is your Father, and God is greater and more powerful than anything.

Not only that, but you can cry out to Him anytime and he will hear you. “[B]y the Spirit’s power we cry out, ‘Father! My Father! …’” (Romans 8:14-16 TEV). He’ll send his Spirit to come and calm you down.

What do you fear the most right now? For most people, their greatest fear is not the fear of public speaking; it’s the fear of being out of control. And the truth is that most of your life is beyond your control. But it’s not out of God’s control. Your Father is in control. And you need to remember whose child you are and that you can call on him any time of the day.

Black Smoke

If you were a part of the cult following of the show LOST back in the day, you'll remember this mysterious yet creepy clicking sound that gave a forewarning of the black smoke that was about to appear. Honestly, I'm still not sure what that black smoke was, but it was definitely the enemy. Every time it appeared, everyone ran for cover for fear of their lives (except the one time that Mr. Eko stopped and faced the smoke and it killed him...but that's another story for another day :)).

This past week in Merge, Jordan talked about 1 John 4:18 and for whatever reason, as soon as the verse came up on the screen, all I could think was "black smoke". The verse says,

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." 

I've been thinking a lot about fear lately. How much it controls us, paralyzes us, holds us back from walking in the fullness of who God has called us to be. Fear is definitely black smoke. Because as it says in 1 John 4:8, 

"Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." 

God is love, which tells you that if there is no fear in love and God is love, then there is no fear in God. I don't know about you, but that realization alone changes everything! If there is no fear in God, then fear is black smoke! It's the enemy. It should not be entertained. It should not have any place in our lives. When fear starts to take root, recognize it as the clicking sound and run away from it because it is not welcome. Acknowledging that fear is absolutely the enemy at work allows you to see it for what it is - deception.

Have you ever thought about how much energy it takes to be afraid? I find it so ironic that we often struggle so much with faith - with the ability to believe in something we cannot see, but yet we seem to be willing to fall into fear easily. And do you know what fear is? Believing in something you cannot see. Crazy, right?! So rather than wasting your energy on fear, rather than wearing yourself out running from the black smoke, why not use that energy to walk in faith instead.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
-Hebrews 11:1 NIV 

I am absolutely petrified of public speaking. I was once at a business conference and all I had to was stand up and introduce my name and my position and I was so nervous at having to say that handful of words that I seriously flubbed my own name. 2 simple syllables and I messed them up! My heart races, I get the cold sweats and I shake like I've had too much sugar. Yet in what seems like some cruel, twisted joke, several people, separately, have spoken over me this year saying that's something God is calling me to. My initial response is something along the lines of "WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!", but as I've started digging into it, I can see all of the lies that have become my truths that have been holding me back from walking into that calling, and at the root of it all: fear.  
 
In a message I listened to recently from Priscilla Shirer, she talks about a moment when she's faced with 2 different decisions - Plan A that she would rather do, and Plan B that she really doesn't want to consider. She says that if she digs down to the root of why she's avoiding Plan B and discovers the reason she doesn't want to do it is driven by fear, then that's the very thing she knows she should probably pursue. Sounds a bit backwards, right? Well how about this. If there is no fear in God, God is only love, then wouldn't it stand to reason that the enemy wants her to be afraid of Plan B because there is something significant enough about Plan B that he doesn't want to happen?

So stop letting fear win. The black smoke that keeps clouding up your vision has no power over you unless you allow it, so when it comes, tell it who's boss and choose faith instead. And be reminded of what God says in 2 Timothy 1:7,

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

Sun Stand Still

I used to be an avid reader. That is, until I went to college and was required to read insanely large and mostly boring textbooks. After 4 years of required reading, I decided I was ready for a well-deserved break, the only problem is that break lasted for a solid 12 years! :) Last year that all changed and I started making up for lost time…and catching up on an incredibly long list of books that I missed throughout the years. One of those books was Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick. It’s based on the moment in Joshua 10 when Joshua asks the Lord for the sun to stand still so that they could defeat their enemies.

At that time Joshua spoke to the Lord in the day when the Lord gave the Amorites over to the sons of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel,

“Sun, stand still at Gibeon,
   and moon, in the Valley of Aijalon.”
And the sun stood still, and the moon stopped,
   until the nation took vengeance on their enemies.

Is this not written in the Book of Jashar? The sun stopped in the midst of heaven and did not hurry to set for about a whole day. There has been no day like it before or since, when the Lord heeded the voice of a man, for the Lord fought for Israel.

-Joshua 10:12-14 ESV

In Sun Stand Still, Furtick addresses just how big God is and how small we’ve made him out to be…

"If you’re not daring to believe God for the impossible, you’re sleeping through some of the best parts of your Christian life. And further still: if the size of your vision for your life isn’t intimidating to you, there’s a good chance it’s insulting to God."

"If we have the audacity to ask, God has the ability to perform."

I’ve spent the majority of my life praying something along the lines of this: “God, you created me, you know me better than I know myself, so I trust whatever plans you have for my life and I’ll be grateful for them.” I mean, that doesn’t sound like a terrible prayer, right? I’ve come to realize it’s pretty pathetic. The best way to describe it is to imagine a child being asked by their parents what they want for Christmas. Can you imagine that child, every year, all of their life saying, “You gave birth to me so I trust that you know what I want and I’ll be happy with whatever you give me.” Honestly, I think that would be exasperating. As a parent, you want to give your child a gift that causes a reaction of such intense joy and enthusiasm! Yes, you wouldn’t give your child a gift that wasn’t good for them or that could cause them harm, but you take great delight in giving your child something that they’ve dreamed of!

As another one of my favorite author’s, Mark Batterson, says, “God doesn’t answer 100% of the prayers you don’t pray.” In so many ways my life had become a hamster wheel of repetition. Not terrible, but not great, but in all honesty, it’s no wonder! I wasn’t asking, so I wasn’t receiving. I wasn’t believing for anything beyond what was presently in front of me.

I think at some point we all stop dreaming impossible dreams. Or for some of us, maybe we never started. And I would put my money on the fact that at the root of it all is one nasty 4-letter word: FEAR. We’re afraid of disappointment. We’re afraid of wanting something and not getting it. We’re afraid we’re going to ask for the Star Wars Death Star for Christmas and get a generic spaceship instead.

And truth is, there may have been those experiences in your past. You grew up in a childhood full of disappointments. You dreamed of a certain job, only to get the call that they had chosen someone else. You desperately wanted a child and after numerous doctor’s appointments and treatments, still left with empty arms. I wish I could offer confidence that every dream you have you will get, but it’s not quite that simple. I believe every desire you have will be fulfilled, but I also believe it may not look the way you imagined (that’s for another post altogether :)). There may be a multitude of disappointment and heartache along the way, but as cruel as this may sound in the moment of the pain, I believe one of the ways God loves us most is through disappointment. I absolutely believe it breaks his heart when our heart breaks, but He loves us enough to allow us to go through the pain because he knows where it will lead us if we’ll let Him use it.

"God has to work in us before he can work through us."

"God gives people the exact experiences he wants them to have in order to shape the specific destiny he’s designed for them."

"When God removes something from our lives, it’s not because he’s trying to take away something good. It’s because he’s trying to make room for something better." (so true!!)

So I just share all of this to say… Ask. Dream. Believe.

Don’t let fear win, hold onto audacious faith instead! Believe in a God who does impossible things - not just then. Not just for Joshua…but for YOU.

"Dream God-worthy dreams. Pray faith-fueled prayers. Live a life that can be explained only by the existence of a God who is infinitely great."