Sorry, I haven't posted a real post in a while, well, aside from the one about having the flu. I am back at work now, although would still rather be in bed. I no longer have a fever, but it has somehow moved to a terrible head cold and I went from having absolutely no voice this weekend, to having an incredibly unattractive raspy baritone voice - complete with coughing & sniffling constantly.
So, it could definitely be my fatigue and just altogether not feeling well that is contributing to my emotional state, but I'm feeling a little down-in-the-dumps. In fact, when I got to work yesterday, I was so overwhelmed at how behind I was that I just sat in front of my computer and cried for a good 15 minutes. Now, if you read my post a few weeks back you may remember that I was in need of a good cry and just couldn't manage it, so in all honesty, it felt great to just get it out and have a moment. I actually felt much better after that and was able to get quite a bit accomplished! I'm still depressingly behind and just cannot design at a speeding rate, but as our sweet HR director told me yesterday - one day at a time.
I honestly think (and I'm sure you've been getting this throughout my posts recently here & there) that I'm just ready for an upheaval. I have loved my job for the past 6 years, but I'm ready for something different. I couldn't be more grateful for an amazing company and some of the greatest coworkers, but 6 years is a good haul. It's somewhat terrifying and intimidating to start somewhere new - wondering if I'll be good enough or if the people I work with will be kind. I'm ready for a change of atmosphere. I feel like I'm constantly trying to think of something to do in Nashville - and while I'm sure I haven't done it all, and there's probably stuff I haven't even thought of, I'm ready for a new city to explore. I'm ready for snow. Shoot, I've been waiting for snow every year for the past 6 years! I'm ready to ski, sled, have snowball fights, you name it! Now, the daily commute to work with all sorts of snow, slush & ice will take away the bliss of having snow once again, but worth it. I mean, an entire winter without ONE day in the snow? What kind of winter is that? The thing is, I'm always on a search for the next adventure. I wonder if I'll ever be someone that finds a spot and wants to stay there forever? Maybe someday - and maybe if that spot is tucked in the mountains somewhere beautiful (but not too far from a major airport :)). Anyway, I'm not leaving today - or even tomorrow for that matter, but I'm not sure if I can hold out for 2 years. We'll just see. I'm using this time now to work on putting together my portfolio (which is six years worth of design & freelance to sort through...that will keep me busy for a while!) and be a good steward of where I am and what I am called to do at present. I've got to start finding the green in my grass rather than staring at the neighbor's lawn if you know what I mean! :) I also think a much-needed vacation to Phoenix/Colorado might help significantly (or cause me to want to stay there and never come back...who knows!) 23 more days!
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I think one thing that has kept me content with where I live is the people around me. I love my job and church, and although I miss my family, they are not that far away. I feel privileged to be able to travel and always plan for that next experience, but at the same time, know that I can come home to something comfortable and constant. I know that doesn't help you probably, but I am also someone who resists change, so maybe I am very different from you in that. Anyway, for now, if you can't move, just bloom where you have been planted, although I know you are already doing that. And then later, when the urge is still there, really consider why you want to move around, and if it's for the right reasons, then by all means, do what you feel the need to do. I think everyone that knows you, trusts you to do the right thing based on your knowledge and faith in God's calling.
Maybe if you lived here I'd be a little more motivated to want to stay! :) Thanks for your sweet words Beth!
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