If You Only Knew

Just two short months ago, on June 24, I was sitting at my computer working away like any other day. All of the sudden I felt this strong nudge from the Lord to stop what I was doing and go write down my dreams. I'll be honest, it was really odd. I'm someone who usually journals first thing in the morning or late at night, but I never stop and write things down in the middle of the day. I dismissed it at first, but it kept tugging at my heart, so I stopped what I was doing, grabbed my journal, and started writing.

If I only knew what the next day had in store...

On June 25th my roommate was driving me to the airport and I asked the question, "How do you know when it's okay to just make a choice because you want to or when you need to wait for God to make it clear that He's leading you that way?" It stemmed from a podcast I'd listen to the week before when Bob Goff talked about taking the summer off to be with his kids (I mentioned that story here). He didn't wait for the firm to offer "summers off for lawyers", he just knew he wanted to spend more time with his children and he made the choice. I had been chewing on that for days, wondering how often I was stuck because I was waiting for writing in the sky.

So we're having this general conversation on faith and she says, "Trish, I have an idea that I'd like to throw out to you. I've been thinking I'd like to live on my own for a while, so what would you think about me taking over the mortgage so that you could just pack your car and move to Colorado. I know it's something you've always wanted to do, and this way you could just try it without making any major changes yet." Honestly, I sat there dumbfounded. I mean, what an incredible offer! What an incredible opportunity! It seriously set off the entire boatload of internal fireworks within me! I'm sure I had this shockingly giddy look on my face and I said, "It's like you just became God's writing in the sky!"

I left for Arizona that day and then the next week for Colorado. I got home on July 13th and as I mentioned in this post,  started putting out feelers and asking the Lord for housing. God quickly provided in a way that continues to blow my mind. What happened after that post is even crazier. The week they sent me the lease, I had a few questions before I signed it and received an email from the couple asking if I would take their home in Louisville instead of Broomfield. Logically it made perfect sense - it was already fully furnished, it was bigger, it was closer to the church, it was in a nice neighborhood and they wouldn't have to move anything. I agreed completely...except for one minor detail - it was in the wrong city. I was so confused and felt the Lord asking me, "would you still be okay with moving into the house I've provided if you knew you wouldn't even have a chair to sit on or a glass to drink out of?" I said, "Yes. I'm not going to say it would be easy. In fact, it would be difficult, but I trust that if you're calling me there and you're taking it all away, you'll provide everything I need." So, after talking it through with an amazing, Godly friend of mine, I sent the couple an email saying that I absolutely understood that logically it makes no sense, but the two things I'm clear on is the church I am supposed to be involved in and the city he wants me to live in. So if that meant they couldn't provide anything other than the roof over my head, I am okay with that. About 5 minutes later I received a phone call from them saying, "If that's where God is calling you, then that's where you need to be and we will do whatever we can to help you." A week later I received an email saying, "We will have a table and chairs, futon, bedding, silverware, glasses, mugs, TV, washer, dryer, fridge, etc. for you at the house when you arrive. I packed some sheets, blankets, a pillow, knives, a cutting board, towels, pots and pans, cookie sheets, measuring cups and spoons, and a shower curtain liner in the boxes for you." Did I mention this couple is putting the house on the market the day I arrive? They're furnishing a home (with the help of various members from their church volunteering their trucks to haul things) that they may very well be "unfurnishing" just shortly after I arrive. It's absolutely crazy and definitely God. :)

That same weekend I started feeling a nudge to sell the house. I can't really explain it - honestly it felt more like a logical decision at the time than anything. I just knew that although the opportunity to go was temporary, my desire to stay was not. I knew in my heart that this was all a temporary solution to a long-term move. I definitely wanted to respect my roommate and not leave her homeless, so I sat down to talk with her and see what her thoughts were on the house. Things had unfolded in the few short weeks between her original offer and she agreed that it wouldn't be a bad idea to go ahead and put the house on the market and just let it take its time - and that she was still okay with taking the house until then. Although hard to explain, it wasn't a decision based out of fear or worry, in all honesty, it just seemed like the next right step.

So, I called my realtor, signed the paperwork, listed the house late on August 12th, had the first showing on August 18th and by August 22nd there was an offer on the table and it was finalized the next day. The next 5 days I proceeded to sell every piece of furniture that I own, every decorative item, and most of my kitchen including all of my dishes. I went from a 1350sq ft home with a large 2 car garage full of storage to a Prius filled with my clothes, shoes, ski/outdoor gear and a few other random items that I was able to fit in it.

If I only knew that the first conversation with my roommate on June 24th would ultimately lead me down the path that unfolded over the next 2 months...honestly, I probably would have freaked out. God graciously prepared my heart for each step - one piece at a time - so that when they unfolded, it wasn't as difficult as I had anticipated.

If I only knew that when I wrote down my dreams on June 24th that just 2 short months later, 3 dreams would have already come true, I would have never believed it. See, the interesting thing about dreaming is that we often have an idea in our heads of how those dreams will unfold, and when they don't unfold the way we anticipated, we often think they didn't come true. That's why it's so important to write them down so that you can go back and be reminded that God is faithful! Did I expect that dreaming to live a "simpler life" would mean selling everything I own? Gracious no! Did I think that the ability to spend more of my time serving others and less time working would happen through selling the house, having an amazing and affordable housing opportunity in Colorado and therefore not having any other debt/expenses aside from insurance and a cell phone? Not in a million years! In fact, if I knew that was how it was going to unfold at the time, I probably would have retracted the dream because it would have seemed terrifying.

A friend of mine recently shared a story of her brother and his wife. He was the youth pastor and she volunteered with the youth and his whole family kept telling him she was perfect for him, but he just wasn't attracted to her in that way. This continued on for well over a year and a moment came where his eyes saw her differently and his heart was drawn to her and he said to his mom, "It's like I finally realized that what I always needed was actually what I always wanted, I just didn't even know it." God truly does give you the desires of your heart...they just often come in a different package than you might have anticipated. 

So in the midst of so much excitement, sadness, transition, tears, fears and anticipation...God continues to whisper...

I know that what is best for you will in turn actually become the very thing you so desperately want, so trust Me with your every desire.

I know that when I closed the door back then it was only for the better plan I have in store today, so don't live in the disappointment of the past or expect it for your future.

I know that what I have in store for you is far beyond your wildest expectations, so don't waste another second worrying about tomorrow.

So when worry, uncertainty, doubt and disappointment start to creep in, just be still and hear God whispering to your heart...  

If you only knew.