Perspective.

I haven't posted anything that's actually been meaningful for quite some time. Sorry about that! It's not that my life has been meaning-less, but that it's just been so "full" (so does that make it meaning-full? :)) I haven't had the time to sit down and collect my thoughts.

In the midst of all the craziness of life, I turned 28. For many that know me, I've been dreading 28 since I was probably 13. I know, that sounds so retarded, but I guess it has something to do with the fact that I always thought people who were 28 looked like they were in their early 30's anyway, so you might as well just say good-bye to your 20's and get right to it. My college roommate, Lisa, wished me a happy birthday this year by saying, "You are so lucky! Not many people get to be 27 for 2 whole years!" Anyway, I'm not a big fan of birthdays to begin with (maybe I'm a little bit of a birthday-scrooge), and I really think that it has to do with what happens every time a birthday rolls around - I finally pause for a moment and take a good, solid look at my life. The ironic part of that is, I tend to not focus on all the amazing pieces of my life as much as the expectations that have not been met.

Having been out of college for almost 6 years, I'm beginning to realize the downside to making a 5-year plan. I mean, I know they do this so that you don't just wander aimlessly without goals, but no matter how casually I went about making that plan with high & lofty dreams, apparently some of it took root and I find my "perfectionistic" side slightly disappointed with myself. Some goals I have far exceeded where I thought I would be, others have yet to come and some just turned out differently than I had originally imagined. So, for a brief moment, I'm disappointed. Disappointed in what I haven't accomplished rather than what I have.

It's in this moment that I visualize the Lord putting his palm on my head and literally turning my eyes to look the other way. It's almost as if I'm staring at a rock and thinking, "Wow. This is it?" when on the other side there's a huge pile of treasure that I'm completely ignoring. I don't think life will EVER be exactly what we hope or expect, but if we're honest, is that really all we want out of it? What WE hope or WE expect? I for one would rather have what the Lord has chosen for me any day. The problem is, I need to let go of MY expectations to make room for his plans & purposes...and when I turn my head and change perspective, I think I might quickly realize that my life has not only turned out exactly as He intended, but it's much, much better than what I could hope for and will on my own. It's all about perspective.

Well, I think that's a start to the many many thoughts that have been rumbling around in my head for a while now. I think that will do for today, and I'll save the rest for another time. And to all of my friends out there - no matter what age, stage, season or place you're in..."Let us put every thing out of our lives that keeps us from doing what we should. Let us keep running in the race that God has planned for us."