Embracing the Journey

Several years ago I watched an interview on Oprah with Marie Osmond. The hot topic item of the interview involved Marie's recent divorce to a man that she spoke of as verbally abusive to her throughout their many years of marriage. When asked why she married such a man she said, "I married at the level of my self-worth. So ladies, have self-worth."

Those two sentences have stuck with me for a long time and I've observed so many girls following suit. I don't think it pertains to only abusive situations, I actually think it covers a wide-range of brokenness in our generation and the need to find something - or someONE - to fix the cracks and fill the longing.

As I mentioned in my last post, I attended a church retreat last weekend and we spent one evening touching on the topic of relationships. The conversation started with the question of "True or False. It's not about finding the right person, it's about becoming the right person." The room answered with a pretty unanimous "True" and the leaders of our event said, "Actually, we would say false." They did admit it's actually somewhat of a trick question, but the truth being there is no moment where you've arrived. Saying that it's about becoming the right person leads to this impression that if at some point you get it all together, then you can have the desires of your heart. The more accurate or healthy picture would be walking on a path towards God and pursuing him - not to "become" or "arrive" but to continue on that path from here to eternity and trust that as you both follow that path as individuals, your paths become parallel.

The thing that strikes me most about relationships, and in all honesty, life in general, is that part of the seeking comes from a place of longing and a need for fulfillment. I think back to being a kid in college and having big dreams for a career. I remember sitting down and writing out 5 and 10-year goals for my life, hopes of recognition, climbing the ladder, becoming the best at what I was setting out to do. I think if I could have recognized and pin-pointed it at the time, I would have acknowledged that I hoped the investment I was making in my education would lead to a fulfilling career. Truth is, I was successful. I climbed to higher titles. None of it felt fulfilling in the least. In fact, the more I achieved, the less fulfillment I found.

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” –C.S. Lewis

I believe that just as much as those desires pertains to a fulfilling career, material possessions and earthly achievements, it pertains to relationships. I think a lot of people get married with the hopes that the "longings of their heart" will be fulfilled and then quickly realized they married a beautiful yet flawed human being, as we all are, and even in the gift that marriage is, it's not fulfilling. The truth is, it was never meant to be. No human was meant to fix the cracks, fill the void or heal the wounds that only He can heal.

In Donald Miller's newest book, Scary Close, he says:

"I don't know if there's a healthier way for two people to stay in love than to stop using each other to resolve their unfulfilled longings and, instead, start holding each other closely as they experience them."

You see, the longing in our hearts wasn't meant for this world, it was meant to draw our hearts toward heaven, but the most beautiful thing is that God, in his extravagant love, doesn't ask you to walk the journey alone. And that's exactly what it is...a journey. No moment of "becoming", but rather a collection of tiny moments of learning, growing, shaping, molding, crying, rejoicing, loving, hoping, following and trusting in the hand that is always holding, guiding and leading you. The hand of your heavenly Father, and maybe someday, the hand of the man or woman that God gifts you to walk with through the journey as well. And even in your season of singleness, the community that he's placed around you. Life wasn't meant to be walked alone.

So ladies, if I could add to Marie Osmond's plea, I would say this: You won't find that self-worth in this world. You won't find self-worth from a magazine, perfect skin, a better body, your dream job or the affirmation of man - even an amazing, Godly man. Yes, hurting people hurt people. If you pair a healthy person and a hurting person you will still have a hurtful relationship. All of that is true. But even if you follow Marie Osmond's advice to pursue a healthy self-image, don't forget this vital key: your true worth can only be found in Him.

"Don’t focus on decorating your exterior by doing your hair or putting on fancy jewelry or wearing fashionable clothes; let your adornment be what’s inside—the real you, the lasting beauty of a gracious and quiet spirit, in which God delights." –1 Peter 3:3-4 VOICE

Keep your eyes on Him. "Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth" and let your self-worth, self-confidence, longings and fulfillment be found in the only One that can truly satisfy the deepest longings of your heart.