“If you want to give it all you’ve got,” Jesus replied, “go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me.” That was the last thing the young man expected to hear. And so, crestfallen, he walked away. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and he couldn’t bear to let go. -Matthew 19:20-21 (MSG)
I wouldn't even begin to to say that I am the rich man in this parable (for many reasons, but one of those being, I am not rich :)), but I can't help but feel like I understand how he might have felt as he walked away. I wouldn't consider myself someone that holds on to "things", but I am walking into a season where that is being challenged in my life in the most extreme way possible.
It started with the move. God provided an opportunity for me to leave everything behind (awaiting my return) and pack up what I can fit in my car (a prius, mind you :)) and drive west. Beyond excited, I said yes. Then it came time to find housing. I anticipated just renting a room from someone from the practical standpoint of not having anything with me to furnish a house. God was very clear on the location of the move and I am beyond grateful for the housing, but am not surprised that it will be living very simply with just a couch, table and some dishes that the landlord has been so gracious to provide.
I was beginning to see a pattern of "stripping away", but oh, he wasn't finished yet :). This weekend I felt the Lord laying it on my heart to put the house on the market before I moved - which was not at ALL a part of the original plan. Once I came home and talked to my roommate and she shared some things that had unfolded while I was gone, it was a clear confirmation that it was time. That means I have 4 weeks to sell everything I own. And I mean everything. I'm only holding onto my grandparents dining room table/hutch, china and crystal, my vintage cake plate collection, memorabilia and my Bosch mixer. Everything else is being sold or given away...and it's harder than I thought!
And yet it's so freeing.
I feel like God is taking me into a season of stripping away everything that I thought defined me. The way my home looks, having a fully equipped kitchen to be an inviting hostess, my collection of Frilly Milly party goods to celebrate life's moments, a lovely little neighborhood in a great location with beautiful amenities. I will officially own less than I did the day I graduated from college. Things that this world would say represents my success or achievements in life are going to be gone. And yet, thankfully, I know I am not defined by this world.
If one major thing has changed in my life over this past year, it is realizing Who it is that defines me.
I wish I could say that knowing and understanding that makes it easy. It doesn't. Not today. It's a process of listening, trusting, following, expecting, waiting and still feeling the pain of the refining fire, the pruning and not knowing what lies on the other side, but knowing that He works all things together for good. It's still being hurt by circumstances and people, but it's remembering through the tears that there's a greater purpose in all of this that I can't see or comprehend right now, but if I could, I wouldn't be afraid and would walk in complete peace. It's knowing that whatever He is asking of me now is ultimately preparation for what He has for me later.
So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. -Romans 12:2 (MSG)
Most days it feels like that little girl in the church parking lot, learning how to ride her bike. You fall, you bleed, you bruise and you definitely want to give up, but your parents keep making you get back on your bike because they know the joy you will experience once you've learned how to ride without the training wheels slowing you down.
Those training wheels for me represent the crutch of stuff, titles, accolades and even approval. Who are you when your job title doesn't define you? Who are you when no one sees what you're doing? Who are you when you only have your love, words and actions to define you? I don't know what's around the bend, but I feel like God has taken off my training wheels and even though it's difficult and often hurts, He knows that the painful process is worth it for the promise of what is to come.
The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. -Philippians 3:7-8
Here goes everything.
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