Paperdoll

I know I don't normally dive quite this deep on my blog, but tonight I feel the need to be very honest and transparent. I know that some of the struggles I face are not as uncommon as I sometimes may feel like they are. I know as women we all deal with insecurities and unrealistic pressure from the world in regards to the definition of beauty. If I'm really honest, I don't know that there's ever been a time, even in my most confident and contented moments, that the question of "am I beautiful?" has not been lingering quietly somewhere deep down. It's difficult to not feel the pressure from the media, magazines and even just interacting with society. Will I ever be thin enough, pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough...or just enough? Ahh, see, the problem is not the question, but where we look for the answer. If I seek the world to know my definition of beauty, I will most certainly always fall short. If I seek the true Artist, the Creator of beauty, the one who knows my inmost being and every flaw and shortcoming, and yet STILL calls me beautiful...that, my friends, is where the answers to all my questions lie.

Sometimes I just need to be reminded of where my value is defined. I've started reading the book Paperdoll by Natalie Lloyd. I'm only a few chapters in, and already feel like I need to start over, read slower, highlight, underline and really let it all soak in. I have a feeling it's a book I will find myself re-opening quite often, especially when the world's lies start to seep in ever so slowly.

Here are just a few snippets from the beginning of the book...

I think I know what it's like to live in a world made of paper. I know what it's like to think that if I look a specific way on the outside, everything else will fall into place on the inside. If I keep smiling, no one will see my insecurity, my fear or my frustration. If I keep my paperdoll smile, mabe they won't notice what I'm doing wrong. I think most of us find ourselves in a season like that - when we suddenly become one more pretty face in a sea of pretty faces, just another woman with a sweet smile and a torn heart. We realize too late that a smile can't disguise our emptiness for long. A distant reminder starts to echo in the caverns of our empty hearts: We are created for more than two-dimensional living; for more than just trying to look like some other girl who has her life all together.

You are not average or ordinary or created for designer conformity. An ordinary girl whose heart reflects the unconditional, radiant, all-consuming extraordinary love of God is extraordinary. His loves makes you extraordinary.

You were placed at this moment in history for a reason. Your birth was no surprise to God. He planned it and anticipated it, because there's a place for you here. You have a set of talents and gifts that are unfolding inside of you. You have a personal invitation to spend time with Him whenever you want. All it takes is one girl who will be obedient to the calling that God places on her heart to change the world. Adventure starts here in the ordinary.

So much good, strong truths in just the first chapter...and more in the second...and I'm sure more and more as I continue on. I want to read it quickly because it's so good, yet I find myself moving slowly so that I can really soak in the truth of what is being written. I'm sure I will be sharing more as I continue on...

Fair looks are a deceit, and a beautiful form is of no value; but a woman who has the fear of the Lord is to be praised. -Proverbs 31:30